Beam me up Scottie

Boy have I got jet lag…..went to bed when we got home from the airport at about 10pm. Exhausted, I thought I would get a good nights sleep…my body had other plans and I was wide awake at 2am….which is actually 8am, in Italy. Guess my body can’t tell I’m in my own bed in Canada! I tossed and turned, gave up and got up. I opted to watch 3 episodes of the Good Wife and 3 episodes of Dancing with the Stars, and am on my fourth cup of coffee.

Sorry, no pics today, you’ll have to use your imagination, due to the nature of this post.

This blog post was actually inspired by the movie they showed on the plan on the way home….Star Trek into Darkness. It’s actually the only way of nicely explaining the planetary dysfunction of Uranus and the toilet paper dilemma in Europe.

I could not wait to get back to my Scottie 4 ply! What is it with hotels, even 4 or 5 star…cruise ships and every bathroom toilet paper dispenser across Europe, whereby the only ply you can find is 1 ply. If you can even call it that. In the local villages at public washrooms, you would be hard pressed to even find 1 ply…toilet paper was sometimes non existent. Celebrity and the Hilton chain buy in bulk…I’m sure of it, but why 1 ply, haven’t they figured out that we use 10X  the sheets needed just to try and get the job done.  They’d save a fortune if they’d just get a Costco card and buy the Scottie 4ply in bulk. Plus it would save thousands of Uranus…s  from extinction.

The stuff they have … it would have been softer to use the stones the 10 commandments were etched on.  My you know what… was so uncomfortable by the end of this trip I can see why people waddle on cruise ships. I use to think it was due to the amount of food they consume, when it is fact it’s the result of 1 ply toilet paper and the agony you are suffering from using it.

Mores Uranus facts….

I was in a real dilemma after we visited the ruins in Sicily and used a public washroom. I’m sure everyone has had this happen to them……you visit, do your business and then find the dispenser…EMPTY…*_*$@_)*$*_)!_) At this point I would have given anything for even 1 sheet of 1 ply. SHIT, CRAP…yikes(now I know where those words came from…and it wasn’t Latin)…I’m sitting there contemplating my options, digging thru my purse only to find nothing to use…….except a 5X5 single sheet of paper, that had less than an hour before, neatly wrapped the bottom of my gelato cone. Thank God I could not find a garbage at the time…..I was saved….just.  It was like using 1 single charm square from a charm pack.

Even more Uranus trivia….

I finally figured out where all the 4ply paper went in Italy….you know those commercials for Cottonelle, where they make those extravagant dresses out of sheets and sheets of the stuff…well it was fashion week in Milan and the Italian government asked all citizens to send their stash in so they would have enough for all the runway projects. There was not a sheet of 4 ply to be had anywhere in all of Italy.

And still more Uranus feedback…

Did you wonder why Dear Hubby and I were stopping for beer and wine every few hours…….That’s  because in Italy, they won’t let you use any local rest rooms in restaurants unless you  sit and eat or drink there. It was a catch 22…..you have a drink because you have to use the facilities, then you have to use the facilities, because you had a drink…..these are not stupid people…they have the monopoly on washroom protocol, the restaurants make a fortune just on bathroom breaks.

Honest to god….local restaurateurs are like Roman Gladiators….they will fight you to the death if you try to use the restrooms without purchasing food or drink. We witnessed it more than once, where someone tried to bypass them, to find they were literally abused verbally or had to perform a dance ritual of two step back and forth while the waiter blocked the way. …..it was just safer to buy a beer.

Anyway….I will never…you hear me never, ever, again, complain about the price of Scottie 4 ply!