Sunday, January 4, 2015

He Tries, Bless his Heart

Let me just start by saying that  Home Depot usually spells....                         D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R at our house.  I don’t think I need to remind you of previous blogs posts with regards to this phenomena…..remember when I was without a kitchen sink and taps for 5 days and who could forget the porcelain Easter Bunny with his poor ears glued on backwards.
I absolutely cringe when Dear Hubby utters a sentence beginning with the words….”I think I’ll fix….”
Today is the 2nd day I’ve been without a dryer!
Three days ago Dear Hubby states that the plastic dryer vent would be better served, for safety reasons, with a metal one.
I just nod in anticipation, knowing full well what the consequences of this change will be.
So off he goes to Home Depot and purchases a metal vent hose. “I bought an 8 foot one” he says proudly. It’s in a package the size of an egg carton.  Evidently you stretch the thing out when you get home, saves the environment to have the thing compressed. “Here, help me stretch this thing, hold onto one end.”   So it stretches and stretches like a slinky and when we can stretch it no further….it only measures 6 feet. So he calls upon Dear Son to use his muscle… as I’m useless it seems… they manage to stretch it out to 7. “That’ll do” he says and away he goes. A few minutes later he states he’s heading out to Canadian Tire, seems he needs some elbows as the hose isn’t long enough.
At this point I’m staying clear of the laundry room….I’m not even tempted to have a look, not in the least.  I’ve learned this the hard way. Plus I’ve also learned to keep my mouth shut during one of these ventures, as that just fuels the beast.
So back he comes in a bit…”Yep, got what I needed”. Within 10 minutes, there is a barrage of curse words, stomping, metal grinding, and  hose vent comes flying out of the laundry room door. This poor metal tube looks like it been put through a garbage compactor Dear Hubby looks about the same.  “I’m taking that damn piece of garbage back to Home Depot tomorrow”.  I’m speechless cause I know better. I’m thinking …how can you possibly return that now. It’s unrecognizable! Plus, it’s never going into the shape it came  out of. But Dear Hubby gets the duck tape, bends the hose in half, mangled and dented to shit.
What ever marketing genius coined the phrase for Home Depot….“You can do it, we can help” has never met Dear Hubby!
He now has a plan. I overheard him telling our Son-In –Law that You Tube is the best place to get information on doing stuff. He goes on to tell his side of the story and how it seems you can buy a whole metal kit with the elbows already attached. It’s more expensive, but he thinks it’ll be worth it, and why don’t they mention that when they sell you the plain hose?
Now we are into day 2.
We go to the Y for our workout and I’m taking my sweet time… I don’t want to go with him to Home Depot for the replacement although I would have been fascinated to hear his explanation of the returned product.  He picks me up after and in the back seat is a shiny new box, a replacement hose vent I’m assuming. I’m dying to  ask how the return went when he states “ No problem, this will do the trick”.
Again, it’s in a box that is much smaller than the end state hose should be and when we get home, he’s looking for my assistance to stretch the vent, again. This time there are 2 metal elbow things on each end……. and what a surprise!…as I pull, the one end comes off. He looks at me like it’s my fault…….WTF!…. I try to help the situation and say “ No problem, let’s stretch it first and then you can put that elbow thing back in, it will be easier this way”.
So we both pull again and doesn’t the friggin thing unravel like an accordion!  pretty sure that wasn’t suppose to happen, duh.
OMG, if you could have seen his face!
After a few choice words he takes the vent to the laundry room to assess the situation. things look bleak.  No problem, he’ll just hack off the unravelled end. At this point I get the camera as I could never replicate this again, ever.
I tell him I have to take pics for the blog but actually it’s for insurance purposes.  At this point he seems oblivious, I think he is in a state of shock. He stands there with the hacked off hose wondering why it no longer is 8 feet and won’t reach from point A to B. Plus he’s half naked….I’ll never know why he thinks he works better half clothed.
At this point, with hose in hand, he’s defeated.  Deep down he knows there is no hope in Home Depot hell, that this is gonna be a success story.
Now I’ve had enough…2 days without a dryer …
”Hundreds of people use the plastic vent hoses with no problem, why is it we have to change it? Let’s just put another plastic one back up, I’m happy with a plastic one” I scurry away to the sewing room.
Out he goes to the  garage to retrieve our perfectly good, original plastic dryer vent hose and reinstalls it to its original glory. I did manage to quietly sneak a peak to catch him at work.
All's good and in working order.
Oh I would love to be a fly on the wall tomorrow when he returns yet another mangled shredded mess to Home Depot. They are either going to blacklist him from the store or call security. I hate to imagine what fetish they think he has with these  shiny silver tubes.
He catches me upstairs and says, as pleased as punch, as if nothing has transpired over the last 2 days….”It’s all working, I put a bend in it so it doesn't drag now and cleaned all the lint out. Boy there was a ton of crap in there” ……
”Looks good” I say.
Bless his heart he tries!


  1. Thanks for sharing your family antics...I know people like your husband. ;)

  2. I'm trying to keep my laughing muffled as I'm here at work reading about your laundry room episode. Please thank your husband for being the great 'fix it guy' he is!

  3. As wives I think we all those stories but you have the pictures too, well done.

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