Last night, middle of the night, 2:30am, I hear Dear Hubby up for a bathroom break. Usually he is right back to bed, however not this night, I hear him doing the shuffle. Into the living room, to look out the window, down the hall, to check the room for evidence and back into the kitchen, to contemplate. I know exactly what he's doing, he's done it with all our kids, he's checking. Checking to make sure they are nestled all snug in their beds. I know one of them is not... as he is not back in bed. I get up. He's in front of the computer and getting ready to send an e-mail, when I say...
"Don't send it that way, he won't answer that. I'll send a text on my phone." They are more likely to respond to me than their dad, it's just the way it is. Dear Hubby is a retired police officer so keeping tabs on kids and worrying more than normal is just his second nature, regardless that he is retired. When I nag about his nagging the kids, his first response is always, ..."if you'd seen the things that I've seen".
I haven't, so I can't quite comprehend his thought process.
"I've sent it, he'll answer, come back to bed." So we're back in bed, the room is dark, except for the glow from my IPhone. We are listening and waiting. Now I'm starting to worry, thinking all the worst case scenario tragedies. Dear Eldest son has a motorcycle, a parent's worst nightmare. He is a very responsible 26 year old, a good head on his shoulder, bought the bike to save money during the summer months driving to work. I remember when he bought the bike, I hit the roof. I
As I am imagining horrid things, I hear a noise, then another. I nudge Dear Hubby "did you hear that?"... "Ya, he's home".
I roll over and proceed to finish my restful sleep. After what seems like about 10 minutes, I still hear noises and nudge Dear Hubby again. " Are you sure that was him?".... "Yes I saw the car".... " The car?, I thought he took his bike?".... "It's Nick".... "Nick .... )(*_!*#!)*#_*&_$&_)"
Here I thought it was the Dear Eldest Son, MIA when it's the Sweet Youngest Son causing havoc with our sleep patterns! He's 20, he's was driving my car! He's dead meat! 3 AM! Plus I sent a weird text to the oldest son in error! Just wait til I get up in the morning!
So now I'm laying there, wide awake. Dear Hubby is already gone and snoring as usual and the dog, at the bottom of the bed, is proceeding with a doggie nightmare. Both of them are back and forth...a snore, a whimper, a louder snore, a soft doggie bark, then all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm in an opera house listening to Beethoven's 5th with full orchestra. The dog is quietly barking in his sleep and Dear hubby is in full snore mode. The both reach a climactic crescendo at the same time and the whole room quietens.
As I lay there, wondering how the hell I got here, unable to doze off, a few thoughts come to mind.....
Do you know that 80% of women whose husbands snore, consider assisted suicide For their spouses.
Dearest Sweet Youngest son is getting THE talk tomorrow...The keep your pecker in your pants talk. The one that stresses condoms, safe sex, and the burden of children. We haven't had that talk in a while, so timing seems perfect. Why else would he be out til 3 in the morning, he's the good child that only does work, the Y, and school. Obviously there is a female involved at 3 in the morning. I usually add in a few extras about sexually transmitted diseases that cause the male important parts to swell up, shrivel down and then fall off...just for the visual, scare the hell out of him talk. Then I go on to the touch the heart saga..."Nice girls wait until marriage and you want to make sure you bring a nice girl home to meet your Mom." Plus I add in that I don't want any more grandchildren
Which brings me to thoughts of grandkids, God bless their little
I'm envisioning how I might get even a little quilting done with a 2 and 4 year old in the house. There are no nap times as the littlest
My thoughts wander to Mmmmm. What about supper. I think that recipe for the Greek meatloaf will be quite tasty tomorrow night....served in Gyro's with tzatziki sauce. I love to try new things and it looked so delicious in the book. I can imagine how impressed Dear Hubby will be...he loves lamb and Greek food...When I ask he'll probably say something like...."It was OK, but don't make it again" ...translation to English...Stick to your regulars and don't make that _ _ _ _ again.
So this is what retirement looks like,
Then there is the text that was sent at 3 in the morning....I'm trying to think of a good explanation as to what the text "R U OK" at 3 in the morning to Dear Eldest Son means when he asks....I think I can get away with ..."Son, it was just a random thought I wanted to share with you. It's an acronym for
retirement... useless... overrated, kiddo."
It's now 4am...I might as well get up and quilt!